-All ages are welcome though 🙂

Girl. Tell me why I feel old? Like… I remember when I was in middle school and high school thinking people who were 30 were so old! And now that I’m almost 31… *cough cough* I don’t know how to feel! I still feel young but then I remember that I’m staring 40 in the face. It’s weird. It’s almost like I’m a young person trapped in an old person’s body. Except I don’t look old either. 

Ugh. 

I think it’s the social construct that was set up in my mind at a young age that being 30 years old equals high functioning adult with everything together. The truth is, we all move at our own pace of grace that God has allowed us to move in. 

I didn’t exactly have a good upbringing, if you know what I mean. I was raised by a single mother who was still trying to figure out her own life when she had me. My father had a whole family with another woman before he met my mother and I was the child no one really knew. I’m the youngest of 6 children on my mother’s side and the youngest of 6 on my father’s side. It’s easy to get lost under those circumstances. Most of my young life was spent mimicking grown folks because that’s all I was surrounded by. I’m thankful for that aspect because it made me an old soul, culturally. Practically, adopting the mindsets of the old heads actually just placed me in bondage. It’s taken years for me to break free from negative mindsets and behavior. Still today, I’m in therapy actively trying to achieve my complete freedom and wellness. 

Call it what you want, but tradition and knowledge passed down in your family could actually be generational curses disguised as generational wealth. I’m talking about those beliefs and behaviors that we realized at some point in our lives are actually detrimental to our growth.

I wanna grow! 

It took me a few years to realize that I didn’t want to just stay home all day, eat, watch TV, and pray I get a check in the mail. But I actually wanted to do something with my life. Travel, meet new people, make memories, EXPERIENCE LIFE. Once I realized I wanted this, I set out on my own path to get it. Except, I went the wrong way! I met a man, moved in, and quickly regretted it. The relationship turned out to be abusive and I felt stuck. I didn’t want to stay in that situation but I didn’t want to go back home to a life of poverty. At 21 years old, I found it difficult to find my way. 

That’s when it happened. 

I had an encounter with God. All of a sudden, I had an unexplained desire to start reading the Bible. I didn’t know it at the time, but this was Him calling me. And I sure did pick up the phone, baby. It wasn’t all rainbows and smiles when I answered Him either. Actually, my life got worse it felt like. The relationship I was in went from bad to worse and my family completely turned on me. I’ll get more into details about all of these events in my later posts. But looking back on it, God was setting me up for success and tearing down the destructive life I had made for myself.

The point I want to make is that just because we were raised with a set of certain beliefs and way of doing things, doesn’t mean we have to continue them in adulthood. Take some time to evaluate things in your life that may need removal. Your life is more precious than rubies. You deserve to clean out your closet and start your healing journey. 

This blog is not a “how to” for a better life. But it is a piece of encouragement and inspiration for those who are/were hurting and are/need healing. We are taught that we need to learn coping skills to deal with our poor mental health. But God says that we have authority over negative forces and peace that surpasses all understanding. Granted, there are things that are out of our control. But for the most part, we have the power to take back our lives and live the way we want.

I’m not coping, I’m CONQUERING. 

There’s a difference.